Thursday, August 28, 2008

ENOUGH!!!



If I get one more of those poser emails that starts out all sweetness and sunshine and then ends up promising doom and gloom unless I do something to a number of people within a certain amount of time, I am going to figure out how to reach through the screen and throttle the sender. Seriously! I’ve had it.

What is with the sending of these messages? They always start out so promising with the pretty pictures, the hopefulness and light, the warm and fuzzy stories. You scroll down, thinking yeah, this person who sent it must really care about me all the way to the bottom until you get to the terms and conditions. The fine print of their friendship. The bottom line of their blessings. You must comply with whatever or they’re taking it all back. Not only that. No, they’re also sending a plague of locusts to descend on your happy homestead just before the heavens open up and rain fire upon your now tumor-laden brow.

Come on, people! If you aren’t willing to be my friend, wish me well, give me blessings, hope for the best for me, grant me good fortune without me forwarding some email, no matter how cutesy or poignant it may be, then forget it. I’m not interested.

I’m not kidding here. Stop it! The world is paranoid enough. There is already plenty of bad stuff happening to good people everyday without you making them think it’s because they didn’t forward some damn email. Tell me something. How often do they hear from you otherwise?

Trust me. Your second cousin twice removed on your father’s side did not get hit by the bus last Tuesday because you deleted that email last Monday. Bertha was squashed because she wasn’t paying attention and stepped off the curb without looking. Or because her husband, Percy finally got sick of listening to her bitch and shoved her. Or whatever but it certainly wasn’t due to some lameass email.

That said, I do forward one occasionally if it contains something I feel appropriate. But you better believe it’s only after I’ve deleted the threats at the end. Yes, to me, that’s what they are, threats. And do you know what? My life is no better or worse than those who send on each and every one of loathsome messages The earth hasn’t opened up and swallowed me. Neither of my pinky toes have turned green and fallen off, nor do I have a third ear sprouting out of my navel.

Here, I’ll try to put it into perspective for you. Imagine going to a store, any store. You finish paying for your purchases and as the clerk hands you your change she says, “Have a nice day but in order to do so you must first tell ten other people the same within the next three minutes or the wheels will fall off of your car when you open the door.”

Okay, I’m done. Going back to sit quietly in my corner. Feel free to talk about me amongst yourselves.

13 comments:

Kenzie Michaels said...

Yeah, I delete those too!

Sandra Cox said...

You have my permission to reach through the screen and throttle the sender;)

Anika Hamilton said...

Yep, I hate those as well. I have blocked friends from my email who send them to me. They have finally gotten the point.

It is slightly harder to block family members but I'm getting closer.

J.J. Hebert said...

I thought I was the only one who hated those stupid emails. Now I know I'm not alone! Delete, delete, delete...

Unknown said...

There was doomsayer, and I can't think of her name, who I had emails from for years. Lordy I enjoyed them because they got more dire each time. And yes - delete them unless they provide entertainment value.

Sandra Cox said...

Just stop by to say, hey. Have a great Friday.

Molly Daniels said...

Update on dinner last night: PIzza Hut wasn't able to accommodate our family's pizza needs, so ordered Papa John's and discovered D and I are the only ones who'll eat the chocolate dessert! And since he's diabetic, guess who got to pig out last night? Forgot to mention...they are also drizzled lightly with icing.

Phoenix said...

I HATE THOSE! I get them all the time and have to write back saying "cut it out".

Bronwyn Green said...

I delete those constantly.

Regina Carlysle said...

GRRRRR. Those are infuriating. Promising friendship and other good stuff and then threatening dire consequences if you don't annoy your friends by sending to them. I've gotten a few that I really thought were kind of neat but most are huge annoyances.

Unknown said...

DS#3 is only 13 and just now getting a few emails. Only earlier today did he mention he'd gotten his first email just like the one you described and he was quite upset, thinking he was doomed and would have bad luck. I explained to him to ignore those, that nothing bad would happen and not to forward them on. I'm not sure he really believed me. It's a shame people have to add that childish stuff. Sometimes, if I like the email otherwise, I'll lop that foolishness off and send only the good part.

barbara huffert said...

See? They are threats! Tell your son I've been deleting them for years and I'm just fine. I really dislike whoever came up with that concept. I wonder if we can collectively sue all senders for mental anguish and then have them all locked up for terroristic threats?

Anny Cook said...

Thank you! I delete every one of them regardless of the message!